(I actually saw another blogger do this so I thought I'd relay my own personal message)

Dear UP Pep Squad, 

First of all, I would like to thank you. In behalf of all the gender roles in the country and maybe even the world, thank you for creating the "Flag of Equality" and expressing through dance what a lot of people all over the world have been fighting for.

A lot of people don't agree with the concept because they don't understand how hard it is to let others accept the concept of Equality. And you did what others didn't even think about. You made people aware. You made people understand. When citizenship, race, skin color, or gender is no longer an issue in whatever aspect, then we have equality. In my years of cheerleading in college, I never thought it was possible to express that point in a cheerdance routine. Then again, that's what UP is all about right? Doing the impossible. Or better yet, proving that there is no such thing as the impossible.


Like I mentioned, I was a cheerleader - a back spotter, to be specific - and I know how hard it is to practice. I know how much pain and sweat is felt after every single run and you do it for months, only to perform ONCE for seven to eight minutes in front of thousands of people. When the University of the Philippines was announced as the 1st Runner-up today, a lot of faces fell in sadness... But you know what? I think UP won something even bigger than the trophy or the title. In the UAAP CDC 2014, University of the Philippines will be REMEMBERED as the university that united every single participating school in the UAAP in the Smart Araneta Coliseum today.

Therefore, second of all, I would like to congratulate you UP Pep Squad. I believe that as of today, you are immortalized. You made history.

Was I there? No, I wasn't. I saw narrations. I saw pictures. I saw conversations over social media. I saw rumors being spread about a flag being torn apart. I would give anything for the Doctor to come to me now and take me to that time and place. I would give anything to touch and pass that flag and share the excitement with the people in that Coliseum. That would be something magical to experience.




My sister, Nadine, was a UP Pep Squad drummer since last year. She graduated last April. I didn't really appreciate what she did at first, since it severely affected her studies. Until she invited me to one of her practices. That was the first time I watched her play with her teammates... and I remembered. It was just like dancing for me before, only she expressed her love for her school using the drum.

For years, I watched the UAAP CDC in the comfort of my home. Last year, I promised her that I would watch her final competition live. So I filed a leave of absence at work and rode a bus to Manila the day before the competition. I didn't regret it. I finally saw what I couldn't see in my television screen. The bleacher cheer competition between teams during the commercial breaks on TV. The excitement of learning the team cheer right before the squad starts dancing.

Finally, I would like to tell you to keep going... to keep training... there are a lot of people that believe in you. We just hope that you won't give up on yourselves. I'm excited (with everyone else, I'm sure) about what you're going to perform for us next year.

Sincerely yours,
Kri :)

A lot of people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend...

I have one answer: "Ayaw ko muna..." (I don't want one, yet)

Why? They ask me again. It's actually a long and sob story and I don't usually discuss it with anyone. But I feel like it's time to get to know myself better... and yes, blogging helps.

The last time I had a relationship, I didn't really understand what it meant to fall in love with another person. I thought (and I have always thought) that it was giving everything to that person you care about... no matter what it cost you.

I gave my everything to the other person... my time... my effort... my love... and my biggest mistake was that I forgot to leave some for myself.

Whenever we were apart, I was a mess... I have reconstructed my life to revolve around the person that I couldn't function well if we didn't have ANY form of contact.

When we finally separated, there was this big hole in my chest where my love for myself should have been... but I gave away everything... and I was just empty.

At that point, I didn't have any emotions. I was numb from the chest down... and my brain was bullying me for ignoring its suggestions for the whole term of the relationship.

I tried to hold on to the person... hoping to bring back whatever emotions I had before... happiness, sadness, anger, ANYTHING. But I was cast aside.

It's true that the most painful thing after a relationship ends badly is not losing the other person... it was losing yourself.

I lost myself. I couldn't function properly as a person... because my reason for functioning was taken away from me.

Now, I promised myself that I will never allow that to happen again.

I will never lose myself because of another person. I will love myself first. I will take care of myself... and any love that overflows from me will be shared to others.

I still have that instinct of looking for a boyfriend... then I stop myself. You've been there before, I tell myself. Be a friend, nothing more. Don't ever forget to love yourself first.

Being selfless is not putting the happiness of others before your own... it's being so happy that you let others be happy too.

I want to be that kind of person... someone who radiates so much happiness that others can be happy too. And I still have a lot of work to do.

I think I'm going to start my 2014 bucket list now. :)

(Daily Writing Prompt - Nov. 26, 2013)

We seldom remember when the music started - when you first smiled because of a person, when you first discovered you have something in common, or when you realized a person was always on your mind.

If only it was that easy to forget about the day when the music finally stopped. No matter how hard you try to forget, you will always remember the time when someone special becomes a stranger, when you get betrayed by someone you trusted with your life, when you finally decide to give up a dream, or when you say goodbye.

Let me tell you about the day the music stopped.

It almost felt like an ordinary day, but you know something was wrong. It was like you had a feeling that you just want to go back to bed and sleep the day away, but you're forced to wake up and face reality.

That day, everything just felt different - as if a switch was turned off.

That smile you always look forward to seeing just didn't quite reach the eyes...
Those eyes didn't seem to be twinkling like the stars in the night sky anymore....
Every word became a sigh...
Every hello felt like a goodbye...
And holding on too tightly hurt just as much as letting go.

It's not really a day that I would miss, but it's a day that I still look back to. Possibly, I could figure out what happened.

Maybe there was a wrong note in the score sheet...
Maybe there was something wrong with the instrument...
Anything... to explain to me why the music stopped.

(c)

As a nurse, I've learned that grieving has five stages. We use the acronym DABDA which stands for Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

I've never really applied this in real life because I haven't experienced someone close to me dying. People I know have died, but (thankfully) no one very close to me.

However, I have learned to apply this in another aspect: MOVING ON.

I'm sure we've all experienced this - losing a friend, left by a lover, lost a job, failed in an exam... and the five stages of grieving may apply to all of the given situations.

Since most of us experience heartbreaks in love, I choose to apply it for that situation.

DENIAL: When someone leaves, we think it's a joke, or a phase that he or she needs to get through. Then, after a while, that person will come back and your story continues. It doesn't. That person doesn't come back. But we still hold on, trying to change and hoping that somehow we can save the relationship. Remember this: if a person wants to leave, he or she will think of all ways to get away... if a person wants to stay, he or she will hold on to whatever there is to hold on to.

ANGER: This is when the shouting usually starts. Sometimes, the anger is directed to the person who left, blaming the person for leading us on and breaking our hearts. Other times though, the anger is directed inwards. We blame ourselves for not being good enough.

BARGAINING: We ask for the person to come back... that we will give everything or do anything just so he or she will stay.

DEPRESSION: When all of those emotions are spent, we get left with one more - depression. We sit in front of the TV alone watching romance movies with a bucket of ice cream. We make ourselves busy just so we don't think about that person because everything around us seem to remind us of him or her. We listen to songs and every single one seems to bring back all the memories. This stage usually takes the longest... and some don't even make it out.

ACCEPTANCE: The last stage and the most fulfilling one. It's when we look back at everything we've been through and laugh. It's when the only way we want to go is forward and never back again. It's when we feel no regret in falling in love and getting hurt because it actually made us stronger. It's when we're ready to fall in love again... and move on.

One last tip: the five stages should be done by 6 months. If it's longer than that, you're doing something wrong. Better get some help.

Let go...
Move on...
... and keep moving foward. :)

In all honesty, it broke my heart when Pugad Baboy artist Pol Medina Jr. resigned from the Philippine Daily Inquirer. I have been reading his comics for as long as I can remember and his comics just made everything colorful in black and white.

Every single day, I try to grab a copy of inquirer and look at two comic strips in the comics section: Pugad Baboy and Kiko Machine.

When the news of the controversial comic strip came out, I was puzzled. He's been drawing for YEARS - even spoofing famous people over the years... and this is the first time he "slipped" (to the level of almost getting the paper sued).

I'm torn actually...

One the one hand, I believe in the freedom of expression. I believe that it is God's will for a person with a specific kind of talent is given the opportunity to express his thoughts and emotions.

On the other hand, I was also raised a Catholic... and no matter how close-minded the Catholic Church can be, the satirical concept of the comic strip went too far. I, myself, must admit that.

Despite the happenings, I praise the talent of Pol Medina Jr.... and I sincerely hope that in one way or another, he can continue to bring smiles to faces of many Filipinos today and in the future.

There are two kinds of happiness: Happiness that is given to you and you accept and happiness that you seek and choose for yourself.

Both can be equally fulfilling but only one can stay.

Happiness given can also be taken away, so holding on and revolving your life on that particular type of happiness may not be the best idea.

On the other hand, happiness sought out can be kept as long as it is appreciated. It cannot be taken away, it can only be given away. Never give up on this type of happiness, because you may not find it again.

The best kind of happiness is that which you choose for yourself... Not what others give to you, but in what you find in others.

This is often the kind of happiness that is taken for granted, but if kept well, it can last a lifetime or longer.

Choose to be happy. Stop looking for the happiness that was taken away. Instead, look for the happiness that will last forever. <3

Labels: Happiness, love