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my moments of inner peace
There were a lot of times in my journey through my four-year course in BS Nursing when I almost gave up... When I just want to stop what I'm doing... Quit studying... Shift a course... Change schools or whatever. I just wanted to stop... because that wasn't what I wanted... not really. I have seen death... and grief... and illnesses... and hopelessness. I have absorbed all these emotions and I didn't know how much more I could take... or how long I could hold on to my sanity. Then I was assigned to the Nursery at Baguio General Hospital... and these little angels came into my life and showed me something I've never seen before... a miracle.  Once, I came across the question: Have you ever experienced a miracle? I confidently answer that I have. I witnessed the miracle of a new life... that realization that in this dark and cruel world, there is still the existence of something so pure and innocent... something that you would fight for to protect. It was then that I found my own personal source of peace - babies. I spent most of my time in the hospital just staring at them... watching them sleep... talking to them in the quietest voice I could manage... and at those moments, I just forget the world. Everything disappears - my problems, my heartbreaks, my pain... Those points when I'm about to break down, I just go to the Nursery and look at them... and I feel like I could face the world again.  My little brother... although he's not so little now. We always fight about the smallest things. Partly because my mom spoils him so much so I try to balance it out as much as I could. He still gets away with everything though and I just sigh in surrender. I envy how he just breezes through life without a care in the world. Everything is just given to him. Little did he know he was one of my strengths while I was struggling in college. There were those months when I barely went home because of all the requirements we had to finish. One night he called me up on my cellphone. Then he asked, "Ate Angel? When are you coming home?" I smiled and said "Maybe next week." He said okay and we hung up after a few more exchanges. I cried after that... getting pang of homesickness... and a feeling of sadness that my youngest brother is growing up and I'm not there to witness it. Just a few more years... I told myself. Eventually, I survived those four years. I graduated, passed the Nursing Licensure Examination, and here I am now. I've been teaching for 2 years... and I've learned a lot... much more than everything I've learned from school. And I still get those times when I just want to curl up in a corner and wait for time to pass... or I want to stop working and stay at home and sleep all day... or I want to move to another place and start fresh there. Because of my "productive" friends, I found new sources of my inner peace...     These are my little angels... and they give me my moments of peace. ^_^
7:28 AM
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coffee-addict, bookworm, surfer 24 years old, Female, With a Complicated Love Life, Occupation: Full-time Instructor and Librarian, Part-time Coffee Addict, and Dream Buyer. :) Currently reading: Allegiant Currently listening to: Holy Grail My Tumblr My Twitter connections dEa bEaTriZ PaT HoPe KeViN_GiNji eViL_TeNsAi MaRzToT m0nAi cUtE_sAi_hAnA JoYcEe jAi-jAi TINEkerbell KrYsTeLLe |